Deathworld
by Arctic Banana
Summary: The Decepticons decide there is no better place to build their evil headquarters than Australia. Unfortunately they discover that there are many things worse than them living on the continent...


_So evidently I wrote this back in late January of 2012. I have no recollection of this and have no idea why I even wrote it to begin with, but I rediscovered it when I was cleaning out old stories that I had no intention of returning to. I think it might have been intended as a smaller part of a larger fic that never got written, which is why it's so short and was never posted. Thought I'd share it with you all with only very minor tweaking from its original state even though I have no idea what the hell I was on when I wrote it._

_Who knows, I might come across some more equally ancient and unpublished stories that I've since forgotten about while I'm cleaning._

* * *

The Decepticons touched down on their chosen starting point for global domination. They surveyed their surroundings, hoping to find a good place to start building their new base. Blackout went through some Internet files, looking for something useful. "Says here that Australia used to be a dumping ground for criminals. We should fit in real well here," he snickered. Scorponok skittered around his feet before wandering off on his own, looking for something to hunt.

Bonecrusher kicked a rock into a watering hole. The splash sprayed murky water onto the surrounding dirt. "I hate this place already," he grumbled.

"Look! I see a native!" Barricade shouted, pointing in the direction of a kangaroo. A large mob of them stood up nearby, watching the giant robots with curiosity.

"Careful. They can be dangerous," Blackout warned him.

"How dangerous can they be? They're the size of a cornflake!" Starscream replied. He walked up to the lone kangaroo and gave it a sharp poke in the stomach, causing it to fall over backwards. "And they're very off balance too, apparently…"

"Uh, Starscream, it's not often that I actually listen to Blackout's cautions, but I think he's right on this one," Barricade said nervously. "Look at those legs!"

The fallen kangaroo rolled back over onto its feet and jumped up at Starscream, kicking his foot. "See? I barely even felt that!"

"Starscream…" Blackout said in an ominous tone, watching the mob worriedly.

Starscream pushed the kangaroo over again. "Honestly, for the dominant life form on this continent, it's pretty pathetic."

"Starscream, I don't think they like that!" Barricade added. He and Blackout started backing up. "Also I'm pretty sure the dominant life form here is spiders..."

"What? Why? What are you guys so worried about?" Starscream asked, turning around to face them. Just then, every kangaroo in the area converged on him at once in defense of their fallen friend. He went down, limbs flailing, while the kangaroos all jumped up and down on him and stomped him into the ground like a horde of angry housewives. The mob's bullied leader climbed back to his feet and gave Starscream a well-placed roundhouse kick to the eye.

"We tried to warn you! We tried to warn you!" Barricade shouted over the screaming and sounds of sharp claws denting armor.

Frenzy climbed a tree so he could get a better view at the kangaroo bar fight and sat down next to a koala. "How ya doin'?" he asked her before going back to his business. She quickly shuffled away from the stranger in her tree.

Brawl looked over his shoulder when he heard growling. "Look, Bonecrusher! The Australian squirrels are coming to save Starscream!"

Bonecrusher looked at the Australian "squirrels". "Those are dingoes, you ding-dong!"

"They're cute! Can I keep one?" he asked.

Bonecrusher noticed foam dripping from their mouths, every single one of them glaring at Brawl. "Well I did always think you were a really big baby," he stated.

"What does that mean?" Brawl asked. Starscream jumped up and tried to run, accidentally crashing into him and sending them both tumbling to the ground. The kangaroos and dingoes both pounced at the same time until they were nothing but a flailing ball of fur and metal.

"I changed my mind. I don't think I hate Australia anymore," Bonecrusher said with a smile while he stood by and watched. "I think I'm going to buy a summer home here."

Scorponok crept through the underbrush, catching rabbits and chasing the occasional bandicoot. He mostly had his head low to the ground until his enhanced hearing picked up the sounds of itty bitty little feet crawling across a rock. He raised his head away from the earth and saw a real scorpion, sitting by itself on top of the rock in front of him, both of its teensy little eyes on the robotic life form in front of it. The two stared at each other silently, wondering who should move first. Scorponok twitched, causing the tiny scorpion to back up slightly. It raised one of its claws in the air and snapped them, calling forward every scorpion within earshot. Hundreds of them ran out from under rocks and in between crevices until Scorponok was surrounded by them. Scorponok's optics shifted in their sockets, getting a good look at his little organic clones.

Back with the other Decepticons, Starscream managed to fight off the kangaroos and dingoes long enough to get airborne. "Screw this country! I'm out of here!" he shouted to the others before taking off in the air. "Let's go see if Whales has space for an evil hangout!"

"I'm with you!" Blackout agreed, transforming and flying off.

Brawl managed to get out from under the dog pile and took off running for the shoreline. "Save me, Paul Hogan!" he shouted when the dingoes and kangaroos gave pursuit.

Barricade suddenly became aware that Brawl was leading the angry animals right to him. "Retreat! Retreat!" he shouted, running from the chaos. He snatched a shrieking Frenzy out of the branch on the way by and ran off screaming. Bonecrusher sighed and slowly followed them, the angry animals not paying him any attention at all.

"Where do we go?!" Brawl started crying.

"Here! We should be safe here!" Barricade said, dragging him down behind a rock in a steady stream of water. They both held still until the danger passed and then sighed with relief.

Brawl looked over at the pool and saw a strange animal sitting on a rock next to him. "Barricade, what's that?!" he panicked.

Barricade glanced at it, jumped, and fell backwards, creating a small tidal wave in the process. "We must be near a nuclear test site! This water's contaminated! RUN!" he shouted before they got out of the water and ran off screaming again.

The platypus stared after them a few minutes before leaping back into the water and swimming off. _Tourists…_

Blackout was over the ocean by the time he realized something was missing. Worried about his little baby, he rushed back inland to save him before he got eaten by crocodiles or got into a fight with snakes or something. He flew over Brawl and Barricade running away for dear life, Bonecrusher taking his time in the rear. He seemed to be the only one that didn't really want to leave.

"We can't fly! We can't fly!" Brawl started crying when they reached the water. "How do we get off this continent before everything tries to eat us?!"

"How did we get on this continent to begin with?!" Barricade wondered. An idea occurred to him and he shoved Brawl into the ocean water and jumped in after him. "Swim! Swim for Primus' sake, and hope you don't get stung by a jellyfish!" Bonecrusher quickly caught up to them when their swimming proved to be poor.

They both had to stop to take a break when all this paddling tired out their servos. Brawl glanced down in the water and detected an interesting animal moving about under the waves. "What's that?" he asked.

Bonecrusher went underwater to see what he could find. When he returned, he replied, "That's an octopus."

"Ooh, pretty blue rings!" Brawl said cheerfully. "I want to touch it!" He quickly disappeared underwater.

"Should we stop him?" Barricade asked.

"No. He learns better by experience," Bonecrusher replied.

* * *

Blackout finally touched down on the surface and began looking around for his precious companion. "Scorponok! Scorponok, where are you?!" He noticed what looked like a piece of scrap metal sitting next to a watering hole. "Holy Primus, you got eaten by a bunyip!" he panicked. "Hold on, Scorpy! Daddy's coming to save ya!" he shouted before doing a cannonball into the water. He emptied it in a single splash, leaving the landscape covered in fish and frogs, but no bunyip and no Scorponok. "Scorponok! Where are you?!" He began digging violently through the mud, hoping to find some sign of him there, when he heard the pitter patter of little feet in the nearby mud.

Turning around and dropping a handful of mud and slime, he saw Scorponok standing there, about three dozen or so tiny scorpions hitching a ride on his back. Scorponok wagged his tail and ran over to his master, eager to show off his new friends. Glancing over at the scrap metal, he realized it to be an old, discarded hubcap. "Glad to see you like it here at least," Blackout said dully. Scorponok chirped.

* * *

_I've obviously never been to Australia before. I don't think all of these animals live in the same geographical area, but the way I see it, they're giant robots. They probably take two steps and they're on the other side of the continent, so that would probably explain why they see so many different animals._


End file.
